“The future is in this kind of death because options leave you forever hovering and lingering and its only in death to all the other options that anything interesting actually happens.”

-Rob Bell

I heard this quote while listening to an interview. Rob Bell’s epiphany followed an article by Gordon Gano, the lead singer of the Violent Femmes. I managed to track down a blog with the reprinted text of that article if you’d like to check it out. In it, he referred to a desire not to “limit availability”. In other words, we want to keep our options open.

I’ve spent many years keeping my options open. I surfed the channels of possibility while running on a treadmill, changing channels every time I got bored or uncomfortable but never going anywhere. Between fear of missing out and grass is greener syndrome, I spent many years cycling through opportunities without every settling in. To use Rob Bell’s words, I was “forever hovering and lingering”. When you’re on a treadmill the scenery never changes.

Now, I refuse to say it has been without value. I’m deeply thankful for the vast and varied experiences life has given me. At the same time, I’ve achieved a moniker I never aspired to – jack of all trades, master of none. That lifestyle has its benefits, but like every coin it has another side. While the ride’s been fun, I’ve failed to achieve my most closely held dreams and goals.

So here I am.

Awakening.

More aware.

I see my enemy, and he is me. He’s the reason I am here, committing myself to a single goal despite the temptation to jump ship. I write to step off the treadmill and onto a path because its “only in death to all other options that anything interesting actually happens.”

And I’d like things to get interesting.